February 5th.

We slip, we slip.

Listening to: Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up) - Florence + the Machines
Mood: Restless and nauseous.

First off, I got a haircut.
For those of you who have known me for a while, think Ree circa Year 9/early Year 10. Yes. The fringe is back.
And I'm already hating it, gah. Stupid hairdresser did not listen. Does this look like a side fringe to you?!


I think I'm actually a fairly shy and insecure person, which is why I tend to overact sometimes. I put on this veneer of confidence and strength when actually I'm shaking.

The looking glass so shiny and new
How quickly the glamour fades
I start spinning, slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take?
(Raise it up)

By the way, new favourite song, if you hadn't guessed.

You made a deal and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough?
(Raise it up, raise it up)
It's not enough
(Raise it up, raise it up)

I wish I had the guts to say some of the things I want to say to people.

Maybe I'll just do one of those anonymous posts here and people will try and guess.

1. How fucking dare you treat him like that. You're more messed up than I thought. But I'd still talk to you if you wanted, because for some reason I find it easy to tell you things. Maybe I'm a bit fucked in the head too.

2. Thank you so much for abandoning me. It's nice to know you were only being my friend because of who I was dating.

3. You're a hypocrite, and a liar. So much for reconnecting.

4. I wish you had told me who was there. But what's done is done now. You know I'm sorry. And I hope you're sorry. Now I just need to try and fix it. By the way, thank you. You're kind of amazing.

5. I worry about you so. Fucking. Much.

6. I'm still jealous of you.

Here I am, a rabbit-hearted girl
Frozen in the lights
It seems I've made
The final sacrifice

I think my brother has downloaded something and it's given us viruses. Fuck.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was pron.

Tomorrow I get to see Erin and Laura for the first time in ages. Hopefully it won't be raining, that would suck.
They want to meet me at 2pm. To go into the city. That's a bit late...
Here I go into paranoia mode again...

ARGH FUCKING VIRUSES.

We raise it up
This offering
We raise it up

This is a gift
It comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

On Sunday I'm going into the city with Brendan. We'll probably end up bumming around cathedrals and taking photos, or maybe go see a movie. To be honest, I'd be happy with anything.
We were thinking of inviting other people. But who's friends with both Brendan and I that would actually want to spend a day with us?
Not many people right now, I think.
Well, I don't know, really. Anyone feel like coming?

I look around and I can't find you
If only I could see your face
I start rushing towards the skyline
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become the lion-hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make
The final sacrifice

This weather is making me restless. I want to run out into the storm and scream until I stop feeling anything and dance until I pass out.
I miss running around in the rain. I used to, at high school. Some people disapproved, but i fucking loved it.
And I always made sure I took off my jumper first so I'd have something dry to put on afterwards.

I miss school, but I don't. It was just easier to keep up with people back then.
And now, I don't even know when one of my best friend's grandparents dies. I don't hear anything from anyone.
If there was ever a loop, I'm firmly out of it.

We raise it up
This offering
We raise it up

This is a gift
It comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up, raise it up
Raise it up, raise it up

My mum's been confusing me a lot lately.
She's been selfish and hypocritical and setting terrible examples for me.
And then she turns around and tells me that how I'm acting is not appropriate.
From where I stand, you're worse than I am.
Now please take that fucking cigarette outside.

And in the spring, I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I wish I could stop myself from having dreams.

In my dreams I'm more real than I am when I'm awake.