February 9th.

Biology.

Listening to: Phase 7: Original - Rabbit In The Moon

Mood: Full.

Chatting to: Brendan, Bas.

So, I finally got my L's today.

And goddammit, I'm proud of myself. Yeah, it took me ages to finally do the test. Yeah, it turned out to be easy. But the thing is, I was kinda nervous. Okay, very nervous.

I don't trust myself in cars. I don't trust cars in general. And road rules, while mostly common sense, can be annoying and hard to remember.

And I'm a nervous spaz.

Anyway, I am very proud of myself, at least. Now to get all the hours I need. Is it 120 now? I'm not sure.

I love getting lost. In anything. A place, a person, a song, a mood. Anything.

I think I need to get lost again soon. Just go to the city alone and walk around. Maybe with someone.

I want to get so severely lost that it gets dark and I have no idea where I am.

I miss that rush.

I miss a lot of things, actually.

I miss sitting outside in the middle of the night when it's cold and a little bit breezy and not at all humid. (Fuck it's humid lately.)

I miss being able to write and not worry about whether or not I'm wasting my time.

I miss who I used to be.

I miss you.

And by you, I mean a few people. People who have abandoned me, people who I've fallen out of contact with, people who have changed.

I miss being able to wear what I want and not care.

I miss school. Yeah, I said it.

And I miss my grandparents, but I think most people know that.

I'm getting so sick of this house. Whenever my brother decides to chuck a fit I'm the one that gets yelled at. I think it's because Mum is scared of punishing him.

Fucking hell, though. He needs to grow up some day. Stop wrapping him in cotton wool.

If it goes on for much longer... Gah. I'm not going to put up with it.

Trying to be independent is a bit alien to me. But I'm getting better. I'm going to get better. I think. I hope?

I'm trying to be optimistic.

I've started moving all my stuff out of my room to sort. I have a bunch of cardboard boxes, and I plan on just having two groups. Keep, and Throw Away. No maybe pile.

Sometimes I think I've just got to get away from here for a while.

I don't know where I'd go.

Look closer.