July 16th - Into the ocean.

If you'd hold me maybe it would be okay.

Listening to: We Belong In The Sea - The Red Paintings.
Mood: Sombre.

I was lucky enough to meet Trash McSweeney (The singer in the above video). Only briefly. But he's lovely. I think I'm in love with him just a bit.

So I'm back home now. And nothing feels right to me. I wonder if my feelings have finally overcome me. I look back on the way I used to think about things and about people, and it's completely different to me now. And I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I tried to open my eyes but the saltwater stung too much. Spluttering and choking as my throat and my lungs filled to bursting point. My body was fighting for life. I wanted it to stop.

I've been told I'm too obsessed with the ocean. Maybe I am. I wish mermaids existed. Childish, I know. But if I could be anything I'd be a mermaid.
The idea of drowning fascinates me. I worry sometimes that if I'm ever at the beach (or any large body of water really) alone, I may try to drown myself just to see what it's like.

Dear you.
You are wonderful, really, and I hate that I have such conflicted feelings about you. You don't deserve it, at all. We'll be okay, I think. Maybe I will change.
Maybe you'll accept me anyway.
Love Ree.

I'm looking forward to Kristy's birthday, maybe more than she is. I have big plans for her presents. I just hope I can brighten her days a little.
She's a beautiful girl. She should smile more. KRISTY, SMILE MORE.
For me? I love you.

I want to sleep until Sunday.