May 20th.

All the parts you can't see.

Listening to: Early Sunsets Over Monroeville - My Chemical Romance.

Mood: Exhausted.

You should be more proud of me. I should be more proud of me. I wish you'd listen and acknowledge me and tell me you want me as your daughter and that you understand that something's wrong.

I miss being your daughter. Now I'm just your burden.

Sometimes I feel like everyone's burden.

Except for you. Thank you for fixing our tire swing, by the way.

The leaves are falling, but I like it better that way.

I wonder if the people who read sit there and try to work out the symbolism. It's simple, really. But it doesn't look simple. And I understand why reading this blog might be confusing. But there are people who still do, and I love them for it. They're wonderful. Even if they don't like it, they give me a reason to write it.

And I need to write.

I've always needed to write in one way or another. Language seems to be one of my (admittedly, few) talents.

And it's a passion. And a distraction. And...sometimes it's everything and I get lost as my very life flows through my fingers and onto the screen.

It's an addiction, but a cruel one, as I often find myself with lack of inspiration.

If you could write anything, what would you write about?

(There's a comments section for a reason, guys.)

My dreams are doing the whole 'hey, we're going to fuck with you now' thing again. Rejoice. Maybe it's why I'm so exhausted all the time lately. Either way, it's not fair. There's got to be some kind of pill or something you can take to get dreamless sleep. I'm sick of my dreams.

Some of them haunt me.

Some of them make me wish I'd never wake up.

And I don't want to feel that feeling again. Not wanting to wake up. I've hurt too many people I love by not wanting to wake up.

I'm excited about the weeks to come. I get to see people I adore and do things I love.

And paint. I get to paint. Fuck how I've missed painting... You really have no idea. Now to just pick my songs.

...and buy more paint. That might be helpful.

I bid you adieu for the night.

And leave you with Ophelia. For now.