June 26th.

I'm devastated, but I'll hide it from you.

Listening to: A Campaign Of Shock And Awe by Evelyn Evelyn.
Mood: Inexplicable.

"Behold, the eighth wonder of the natural world! Come one and come all, see the two-headed girl! Stupendous! Revolting! You'll be shocked! You'll be awed! A true freak of nature, a blunder of God!"

A Campaign Of Shock And Awe - Evelyn Evelyn

I am a silly, silly girl, hoping for so much. But I guess I have time to change that. At least I have time. I'm not doomed yet.

I think.

So! The past week or so has been pretty awesome. I've met some amazing people and been in a generally good mood. I know! Ree! In a good mood! It's almost unheard of!

Mmmm, delicious chemical happiness. Not entirely real but much better than the alternative. (All encompassing, soul-crushing depression. Not fun.)

There's always this underlying sadness. For some reason it reminds me of an old music box. Happy tune, but some of the notes are just a little bit off. Just enough to be slightly unnerving, but you don't really mention it. Or maybe I should just stay away from metaphors.

Meds good, metaphors bad. Bad Ree.

I need a job so so so so so badly. There are so many things I want. Mainly dvds. I need:

• Ghostbusters 1 + 2
• Mullholland Drive
• Blue Velvet
• Pretty much every Tarantino movie except Inglourious Basterds (My in-browser spell-checker does not like that movie title.)
• Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (I could always steal my stepmother's copy...)
• The Mighty Boosh season 1 (Since the copy I loaned out probably isn't coming back to me.)

Ugh. I also need a tea set.

But nobody wants to reply to Ree when she applies for jobs.

(If anybody knows of anything going, dear Cthulhu, TELL ME. Can you smell the desperation here?)

Is there such a thing as TOO determined? Too determined to lose weight, to make people happy, to make a certain someone take notice of you in a certain way? If there is, then I certainly am too determined. Really. There are factors that would make most people go "Oh. Well, that's not going to work out. Maybe next time."

Things like that just make me think "Yippee! A challenge!"

I guess I'd rather fail after trying than give up. A good thing, but not always.

(By the way, this album is amazing. CHICKEN MAN! CHICKEN MAN!)

(I'm giggling with glee and my brother is looking at me weird. And then he quoted V For Vendetta at me. Interesting.)

I want to see Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley riding an elephant. Hell, just seeing them in general would be great.

They say you should never meet your heroes, but when I met Amanda she was everything I expected. Amazing and beautiful. And it made me love her even more. I'll cherish that day forever.

Too bad the autograph washed off my boobs. Sigh.

By the way, hello Naomi. You're beautiful. And you're one of the people who have made my week so amazing. Kudos, pretty lady. Keep smiling or I'll tickle you to death.

Also, you. You're amazing. Keep being amazing and I'll keep standing in the corner being quiet. What else am I supposed to do for now? I want to throw my arms around you but that would just scare you away.

It's sad.

But I'll live.

I always live.

Well, kinda.